


We Are Not What You Think We Are, We Are Golden

by OJared



Series: Leigh'verse - Spread Your Wings, My Little Butterfly [9]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Big Brother Dean, Big Brother Gabriel, Cute, Cute Gabriel, Cute Gabriel/Sam Winchester, Cute Kids, Cute Sam Winchester, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Established Gabriel/Sam Winchester, Established Relationship, Falling In Love, Fluff, Gabriel is a Little Shit, Gabriel's mom is Amara, IMO, Loss of Parent(s), Love, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Mentions of alcoholism, Oops, Panic Attacks, Parent Castiel, Parent Dean, Parent-Child Relationship, Please read notes before reading, Sam and Jess are great friends, There is just a lot of love, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Triggers, Uncle Sam, What Was I Thinking?, alcoholic parent, but she's insinuated as nice, no regrets, she isn't in it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-29
Updated: 2016-05-29
Packaged: 2018-07-11 00:03:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7014082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OJared/pseuds/OJared
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gabe was beautiful.</p>
<p>It wasn’t something Sam had ever consciously thought about.  He’d just always known it.  The kid was golden, for crying out loud.  Golden hair, golden eyes, golden skin.  His lips, however, were not.  They were pink and stood out amongst all the shining gold of his complexion.</p>
<p>Sam was only slightly ashamed at how much time he spent thinking about Gabriel’s lips.  It was his guilty pleasure after all, he was allowed those.  </p>
<p>“Take a fucking picture, Sammy, it’ll last longer.”</p>
<p>Or,</p>
<p>A brief history of Sam and Gabe.</p>
<p>(Read Notes for warnings)</p>
            </blockquote>





	We Are Not What You Think We Are, We Are Golden

**Author's Note:**

> Title from [We Are Golden by Mika](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hEhutIEUq8k&list=RDhEhutIEUq8k)
> 
> Okay, so there wasn't an appropriate archive warning but I thought I should put some anyway.
> 
> **BRIEF MENTIONS OF SUICIDE AND ALCOHOLISM.**
> 
> **TRIGGER WARNING FOR PANIC ATTACKS**

**_Nov. 20th 2008_ **

Gabe was beautiful.

 

It wasn’t something Sam had ever consciously thought about.  He’d just always known it.  The kid was golden, for crying out loud.  Golden hair, golden eyes, golden skin.  His lips, however, were not.  They were pink and stood out amongst all the shining gold of his complexion.

 

Sam was only slightly ashamed at how much time he spent thinking about Gabriel’s lips.  It was his guilty pleasure after all, he was allowed those.  

 

“Take a fucking picture, Sammy, it’ll last longer.” Gabe’s voice popped his thoughts like a balloon.

 

He shook his head slightly, leaning forward, elbows on the table.

 

“Sorry,” He mumbles, “I think I heard Cas say it was high-functioning autism, which is a good thing I guess.” 

 

He brings his thumbnail to his mouth and chews on it, watching as Gabe pulls his little brother’s hand back from being gripped in his hair.  As he does, he reaches over the table and gives Sam’s hand a reassuring pat, not bothering to say anything in return.

 

“I don’t even care about the diagnosis, though, you know.  I just hate seeing Dean so stressed and worried about something that’s going to be okay.” Sam runs a hand over his face, wondering momentarily how Gabe doesn’t have to do or say anything for Sam to start spilling his guts.  A shock of realisation jolts him as if he never realised how vulnerable Gabriel made him feel, causing a worried glance to rest on him from the other side of the table.

 

“I can’t imagine it,” Gabe finally speaks up, giving up on cleaning Luci’s face and letting him run from the kitchen on wobbly legs, “It’s gotta be stressful for all of you.  You know there’s always a bed here for you if you just need to get away.  Not that this place is much of a getaway.”

 

He huffs out a humourless laugh, sitting back in his chair.  Sam does the same, the overwhelming feeling of vulnerability from moments ago waning to a dull, yet slightly comforting, feeling of nakedness.

 

“I like this.” He says, gesturing between him and his best-friend.  Hoping that Gabriel can’t see his tinted cheeks in the dull light of the kitchen.  

 

They settle back into a comforting silence for a couple minutes, nothing but the tinkle of Lucifer’s brand-new ballerina music box ( _ It had been Gavin MacLeod’s wood-work project, until it mysteriously disappeared) _ from the other room.

 

“It is nice to have someone to mope with.” Gabe says, face graced with that smirk that Sam sees so often he struggles to imagine him without it.

 

“You’re nice.” It fallen from his lips before he can catch it and Gabe’s smirk only grows bigger, watching Sam and waiting for him to pick up his shovel and keep digging this hole that’s already too deep.

 

Sam is absolutely certain that Gabe knows, and has known for a long time, about the way Sam feels.  A part of him feels angry, that Gabriel would let him suffer in silence.  The rest of him, the majority part, is thankful that Gabe knows and hasn’t pulled away.  He’d let their friendship continue even though he obviously didn’t feel the same.  He smiled to himself.  It was nice having a friend.  Not that he’d never had friends, he’d just never had friends like Gabe, who understood what it was like coming from a family that cost too much to fix than it was worth.  Gabriel had always been there for him, when he’d been a lonely ten-year old, convinced that his brother was replacing him with his own child.  He’d even been there when his father had been given custody of his little brother, who wasn’t actually as capable as the courts believed him to be.  Gabe had still made sure to see him and talk to him whenever he could and Sam had felt beyond guilty when he didn’t notice what looking after a baby did to a twelve-year old Gabe.  The images of Gabe seemingly drowning in his own blood was forever seared into his brain and constantly showed itself whenever Sam started to think that maybe Gabe liked him back.  

 

His eyes are closed now as he tries to banish the thoughts, that he still selfishly blames Gabe for.  He still didn’t understand how his best friend could have done something like that instead of talking to him, but, then he remembered that he had never let it be known that Gabe could talk to him and so he had no right to blame Gabriel.  The images still wouldn’t leave, rusting brown mixing with fresh red, all consuming the no longer blinding gold.

 

Then, out of the blue, he can see nothing but dazzling gold streaming the his eyelids and when he opens his eyes, Gabe is right there.  So close, Sam knows his eyes are crossing and he thanks his lucky stars that Gabe’s eyes are closed.  But,  _ Gabe’s eyes are closed _ and it’s nice.  

 

It takes him a stupidly long time to notice that it feels nice because Gabe is kissing him and the golden boy is already starting to pull back and Sam doesn’t want that.  Never wants Gabe to be further away than he is now so he reaches a hand, grabbing the back of the other’s neck and pulling him back down with bruising force.

 

“You’re pretty nice, too.” Gabe whispers against his lips and Sam ruins it all by laughing. 

 

It’s not small and quiet, it’s a big bark that sends them both into fits of giggles.  Gabe’s head is buried in Sam’s neck and it’s warm and his breath tickles.

 

“Sammich?” Gabe breathes deep.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“You wanna be my boyfriend?”

 

“Sure.”

 

\------------------------------

 

**_Aug. 11th 2009_ **

 

“So, get this, if we prove him unfit then a biological Aunt or Uncle can gain custody if you’ve ‘formed a strong emotional bond’ with them .  I mean, we can prove he drinks too much.”

 

“Cas isn’t my uncle, he’s my cousin.” Gabe states, sounding deflated.  They’d been trying for months to get him and Luci away from their Dad, “And he had relation to Luci.  And you probably have to prove both parents unfit.  God knows where my mum is.”

 

Sam hums in agreement.

 

“What about Cas’ dad?  He should know where your mum is.  She is his sister.”

 

\------------------------------

 

**_Feb. 1st 2010_ **

 

“Thank you, Sam.” Gabe breathes into Sam’s neck, “So, so much.”

 

Sam smiles into Gabe’s hair, arms wrapping around his shoulders, one of them rubbing briefly up and down his back.  His suit is silky under his fingers and he can see Chuck across the courtroom smiling towards his sister, who’s holding a smartly dressed Lucifer.

 

He had no idea how everything had worked in their favour, it had all been a blur but it was okay now.

 

“I love you, Samsquatch.” He hears Gabe say, pulling away from his neck and giving him a kiss.  It’s short and sweet but it’s all Sam needs, after all, his brother is just two feet away and he doesn’t need to give him more ammunition to make fun of him.

 

“Love you, too.” He mumbles, squeezing him as tight as he can.

 

He ignores Gabe’s splutters of pain because he just can’t help it.  Gabe is the most adorable thing when he’s this happy and he’s Sam’s and that is unbelievable.

 

Sam feels like his heart is shining just as bright and golden as Gabe is.

 

\-----------------

 

**_Oct. 28th 2012_ **

 

“D’ya t-take Gab-bee to be y-your awflul, wetted ushband?”

 

“I do take Gabby to be my awful, wetted husband.” Sam grins, trying to be as serious as he possibly can whilst kneeling on his brother’s living room floor, being married to his boyfriend by his nine-year old niece.  Lucifer is smiling and pelting them with confetti ( _ that Leigh had spent the last half hour cutting out)  _ and Sam doesn’t think he’s ever seen the kid so content.

 

Leigh nods, ever the serious one, and Sam watches Gabe almost collapse under the weight of snickers he’s holding back.  Leigh had been obsessed with weddings since her Dads’ and according to Cas, she had married Gabe to multiple Teddies to  _ keep him busy ‘til Sam arrives. _

 

“D’ya take Samcrotch t-to be y-your awflul, wetted busband?”

 

“I do take Samsquatch to be my awful, wetted husband.”

 

“Y’all c-can k-kiss now.” Leigh states, smiling and waiting.

 

Lucifer begins actually throwing the confetti up in the air as they give each other a peck.  They both begin cheering loudly and even Toby starts babbling from his swing chair.

 

“You’re stuck with me now, kiddo.” Gabe grins, waving his wedding finger that has a small, stuffed wolf clipped round it.  He hadn’t questioned it when Leigh insisted that a piece of string like the one tied round his finger wasn’t  _ Gabby enough _ because he knew exactly what she meant.

 

“I don’t think that’s such a bad thing.”

 

\---------------------------------------

 

**_Jun. 11th 2013_ **

 

“I’ve seen you three times since September, Sam.  I can’t do that.”

 

The words were like a knife to the heart and he didn’t even try to stop the tears from falling.

 

Voices, and general happiness drifted up the stairs and through Sam’s open bedroom door and he wants to curl in on himself.  He also wants to punch Gabriel in the face more than he’s ever wanted to do anything because this is his Nephew’s first birthday party and Gabe is breaking up with him.  

 

“And I know that you have school.  I’m not blaming you, it’s nobody’s fault,” _ Well, it is.  It’s my fault, _ Sam thinks, “It’s just not going to work with me here and you there.  I want you to have fun and enjoy college.”

 

Sam can’t think of anything to say, doesn’t want to stay there because for the first time since they were twelve, all he sees is brown.  Brown hair.  Brown eyes, full of pity.  And he feels sick, because Gabe is supposed to be gold.

 

\-------------------------------------

 

**_Oct. 26th 2013_ **

 

“Aren’t you going home for Halloween?  You said it was a big thing for your family.”

 

It wasn’t, but the anniversary of his mother’s death two days later was.  He felt guilty that he wasn’t going home.  It was selfish.

 

“Yeah, there’s not much point though.  My brother’s still in Afghanistan.”

 

Jess rolls over on his bed, staring at him, slightly offended that he would think her so stupid as to not know the real reason he wasn’t going back.  She loved Sam, she really did but he could be an absolute ass hat sometimes.

 

“And Gabe will be there.”

 

Sam doesn’t say anything, looking up at the ceiling, wondering what Jess would look like hanging from it.   _ Shit,  _ he thinks,  _ that was dark. _

 

“Hey, Winchester, news flash, Lawrence is a pretty big place.  Avoiding him won’t be hard.”

 

Sam wouldn’t be able to avoid him, she was sure he had a Gabe magnet in his ass.  Just a mention of the name and his ears prick up like a dog’s.  Jess had also seen the pictures and heard the stories of multiple fake marriages, midnight talks of real ones and was sure that where they’d left it was salvageable.

 

“Lucifer and Leigh are like, best friends.  Trust me, I won’t be able to avoid him.”

 

Jess splutters for a minute.   _ Lucifer?   _ Sam’s niece’s best friend was the devil.

 

“Hold on, Lucifer?  Who the fuck is Lucifer?”

 

Sam chuckles at that, he was so used to the name that sometimes he forgot that he was named after the devil.

 

“Gabe’s little brother.”

 

“Who calls their kid Lucifer?” Jess’ wide eyes are the funniest thing that Sam thinks he’s ever seen.

 

“Gabe named him.  It was supposed to be a joke, you know, ‘cause his name is Gabriel but it stuck.”

 

“I gotta meet that kid.”

 

\--------------------------------------------

 

**_Oct. 31st 2013_ **

 

Jess doesn’t know what happened.  She was here to give Sam moral support but now she was sat next to a grumpy looking kid in the middle of a pretty lame halloween party.  Sam had fucked off to God knows where and she wanted to know why he even asked her to come with him.

 

She was fairly certain the the grumpy looking kid sat next to her was Sam’s niece but she wasn’t sure and she didn’t want to get her head bitten off by a ten-year old.

 

“Hi, you’re Sam’s friend, right?” A gravelly voice interrupts and she looks up to see a man she’d seen wandering around earlier but she couldn’t place him.

 

“Yeah, I’m Jess.” She says, standing and holding her hand out and  _ he’s not the fucking president, sit down, Jessica. _

 

“Castiel.” He replies taking her hand and Jess knows the name, “I, uh, I guess I’m Sam’s brother-in-law.”

 

He smiles and it’s nice and warm.  Jess likes him.

 

“Papa, I ‘ave s-some c-candy, p’ea-p’ease?” The grumpy kid next to her pipes up, confirming that she is Sam’s niece.  She’s up now and tugging on Castiel’s sleeve, obviously trying to drag him somewhere.

 

“I guess that’s my cue.  Uh, Sam wanted me to let you know that he’s glad you came and he’s sorry he’s left you on your own.  He also said, and I quote,  _ ‘I’ve gone gold.’ _ ”

 

Jess barks a laugh, thinking back to one of the many times that Sam wouldn’t shut up about Gabriel.  

 

“ _ He just shines, Jess.” _ He had said,  _ “Everything about him is golden.” _

 

Jess is happy for him.

 

\-----------------------------------

 

**_Jun. 25th 2016_ **

 

Dean was unbelievably proud.  He struggled to process that Sam, his Sammy, was graduating from college, nevermind  _ Stanford. _

 

“You look more excited than Sam does.” Gabe quips from next to him, a four-year old Toby fidgeting in his lap.  

 

If Dean knew anything, it was that Gabriel was even more excited than he was.  

 

\-----------------------------------

 

**_Apr. 15th 2017_ **

 

“I want a baby.”

 

The question takes Sam back slightly and the plate he’s washing slips from his hand, spraying water up around the sink in a near-perfect circle.  It’d look kind of nice if Gabriel hadn’t just sprung that bombshell.  Sam’s initial reaction was fear, he had never single-handedly looked after a baby.  The second was the timing.  It just wasn’t right.  He was still working to become a lawyer and Gabe had yet to figure out which career path he wanted to follow.  And, finally, they didn’t even love together, officially.

 

“Don’t you think we should move in together first?” He questions back whilst turning around.  

 

He follows Gabe with his eyes as the other man circles the kitchen table and steps to wrap his arms around Sam’s waist.  All his weight is resting against Sam and it’s comforting, but also grounding, keeping him locked down and stopping him from daydreaming about what having a kid would be like.  It had never really been something he’d wanted.  Parents Sam had experience with weren’t the best, but Gabe had been amazing when raising Lucifer.  Still carrying on with that roll after his Mom returned.  Dean, Sam likes to think, is the reason for everything good that Sam has ever done.  He would be a good Dad, he’d make sure of it and Gabe would be the best Dad in the world.  It was in his blood.  Gabriel was a mother hen and Sam loved it - _ and him _ .

 

“Obviously,” He murmurs, squeezing as Sam’s arms come to rest over his shoulders, “I just wanted you to know that I keep thinking about it.”

 

\-----------------------------

 

**_Apr. 20th 2017_ **

 

_ Thinking about it _ was an understatement.  For the past five days, Gabe had been doing nothing but pointing out every baby store they passed and asking if they could go in.  He was fairly certain that Dean and Cas were scared he was going to steal Alfie after the sixth time offering to babysit.

 

The first couple of days, Broody Gabe had been adorable ( _ and sexy _ ) but now it was just annoying.  The worst part of it was that Gabe didn’t just point, he clicked,  _ constantly. _  The sound of finger smacking palm was starting to hurt his ears and he wondered whether their relationship was more likely to survive through constant  _ click click clicking _ or a missing finger on the golden man’s side.

 

In a final attempt to stop Gabe click-pointing at a women with a cute baby, he grabbed Gabe’s hand, enveloping it in his own and praying that his boyfriend could only click with one hand.

 

“You’re annoying.” He grumbles, still gripping Gabe’s hand as the other man spins to look at the baby, making it even more obvious that he looking.

 

“But, do you see that baby?  It’s so cute.”

 

Sam’s stopped walking and turns to face Gabe, who is pouting with the most ridiculous look of longing on his face.  He’s seen it before and all of a sudden, he knows where this is coming from.  No matter how old Gabe had been when Lucifer was born, he’d always seen him as his.  Even after Gabe’s Mom adopted him.  It took months for Gabe to let her look after him.

 

“Luci was never going to be a kid forever, Gabe.” He adds a reassuring squeeze to Gabe’s hand, now seeing Lucifer’s move to Middle School looming over his head.

 

“I know.  I just miss it.” He looks up at Sam now and all the taller wants to do is kiss the pout away, “I never thought I would, it was a nightmare at the time but I do.”

 

Regret flushes through Sam as he notices a stray tear at the side of the man he loves’ eye and he reaches up to wipe it away, his hands shaking because this is his fault.

 

“Oh god, I’m sorry.  I should’ve thought about it.  I thought you were just messing around, I didn’t think and-”, It’s Sam that’s crying now, full on blubbers spilling out into the park surrounding them.  Dean would’ve told him to  _ man up _ and so he does.  He takes a breath and runs a hand across his face.  He takes another breath but it stops short.  So does the next.  And they keep going in but they don’t make a difference, he’s suffocating on his own guilt.  He can’t stop it.    

 

Gabe is just watching him, because Sam deserves this.  He deserves exactly what’s happening and so he gets it, he understands, definitely understands completely when Gabe’s hand come up to his neck and he closes his eyes, bracing himself for the pressure that would take the edge off the breathlessness already taking him.

 

It doesn’t come, there’s just a light squeeze before the hands move to either sides of his face.  Sam opens his eyes wide, light rushing in, and takes in Gabe’s features.  They aren’t as angered or as vicious as they had been previously.  He’s schooled them, keeping the hate under control and  _ what is happening? _

 

Gabe loves Sam.  That’s one of the only things that Sam has ever been sure of.

 

“Hey, Sam.  You’re okay.  Just breathe.”  And he does.

 

_ In, Out, In, Out,  In, In, In, Out, In, In, In, nothing. _  He’s gone.  

 

Each breath tears through his throat and punches him in the gut, making him curl over.  His head rests on Gabe’s shoulder and bangs, bangs,  _ bangs. _  He tries to grip the tops of Gabriel’s arms but his fingers are too numb and he can’t tell what or if he’s grabbing.

 

Warmth and feeling comes back to his fingers when Gabe grabs them and holds them over his chest.

 

“Breathe with me, Sammy.”

 

Despite the lack of comfort from the nickname, Gabe’s voice is soft and so he breathes in when Gabe’s chest puffs out.

 

_ In, Out, In, Out, In, Out. _

 

His breathing starts to regulate but hot tears stream down his cold nose and fall down to Gabe’s shoes.  It seems impossibly far away yet they’re still intact when they get there.

 

“I’m okay,” He sniffles, lifting his head to see Gabe’s golden gaze staring lovingly back at him and he has no idea what he was ever worrying about because he has everything.

 

Gabriel wipes his tears away this time, reaching up to kiss his lips.  It’s wet and sloppy but neither of them care.

 

\-------------------------------

 

**_Jul. 20th 2019_ **

 

“She’s got your eyes.”

 

“No, she doesn’t.  I do.”

 

“Shut up.” Sam pushes Gabe, being careful not to jostle his brand new sleeping daughter.

 

“Technically, she doesn’t have either of us in her, which, after much deliberation, I’ve decided is a good thing.”

 

Gabe’s grin is blinding and Sam loves it, loves him so much it hurts.  He’s going to marry this guy.  He knows it.

 

Everything in that moment is perfect, the dim light from the landing casting shadows over Mary-Beth’s face.  Her button nose scrunches as Sam leans over to kiss her head, his hair tickling her.  Golden eyes shine up at him and whether or not she’s biologically either of theirs, she has Gabe’s eyes that light up every room.  Gold, he’d thought every day for the last fifteen years he’d known Gabriel, was his favourite colour.

 

And, now, he had two of his own golden human beings to shine on him and make him gold.

 

Mary-Beth Winchester was golden.

 

Gabriel Darhk was golden.

 

Sam was golden.

  
They were golden.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this.
> 
> I enjoyed writing it.
> 
> Kudos and Comments welcome.


End file.
